Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
