i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
