Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
