yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize