you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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