now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
