I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
