I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
