no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
