he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
