Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
