If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
