There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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