she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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