How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
