there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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