me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
