you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
