Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
