I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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