you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
