Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
