I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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