im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
