I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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