I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I pour the whiskey from now on
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
