I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
