1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
