I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
