You can't motorboat a personality
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
