He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
