Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
