I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
