Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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