and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
