Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
