It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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