Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize