I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
