I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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