Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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