I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
