how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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