Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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