I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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