Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's the barista slut.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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