i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
