Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
