Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
