Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
