what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
