Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
