I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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