Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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