Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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