im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
