The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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