Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
