4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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