You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
