so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
