i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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