I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
