Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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