If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
