my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
