how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
