Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
