I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
