Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize