So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
