A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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