youre lurking in front of me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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