if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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