i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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