I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
