did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
