If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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