he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
