is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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