He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize