I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i would one night stand the shit outta him
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
me + whiskey = a bad person
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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