i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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