ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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