so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
