tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
