Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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