i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
