All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
