I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
