I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
