it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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