This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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