So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
