tell your sister to shave her snatch
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
